thats what i’ll tell you. everyone knows it. they know that trust is something you dont mess around with. just because you gained it the first time around, it doesnt mean it will be easier for you to get it the second time. for me, seriously, if its gone, its gone. or at least, once you lose my trust, you will gain it back eventually, but it wont be as high of a level as it used to be. thats all. things wont be entirely the same. so if it really mattered, you better cherish that trust i gave you in the first place.
37 - hey yoou. im leaving soon, and i wanted to meet up with you recently, but you never replied back to me. oh well. whats done is done. i just want you to know, that though we might not be in close contact as we used to be, i’ll always remember the times we were close. im glad to have had you walk in on my life. and now that youve walked out of it, i just wish you the best in all that you do. i love you<3
38 - idk why, but youve been bothering me a lot lately o_o im sure theres a limit to what youre allowed to do to me. and obviously stepping over me is way past the line. ive become a pushover, but youll never change, i think. so for now, ive just backed away. wonder if you notice.
39 - HAAAY. haha. i love you two<3 thanks for everything. i owe you guys a TON. like no joke, a ton! thanks for supporting me in all that i do, no matter how bad of a bratty kid i can be at times. i promise you i’ll do well, and i will exceed all limits. to infinity and beyond right? hang in there, ive got a great future in store for you guys as a tiny gift from me. (:
its true. there comes a point in every situation where you have to make the huge decision. the decision where you choose to keep going or move on. you can try in everything, and its not bad to do so. its good to take risks, to live without regrets. but if the outcome turns out to be the opposite of what you expected, learn to manage whats worth your time and efforts, realize that its time to move on. even if you had something you thought was the best, trust me, its just a lesson. move on, and theres even better.
the handwritten letters. i just love them. the moment i get them and read them, they just somehow feel more interesting and exciting and heartfelt than texts. maybe its because someone took the time out of their busy lives just to “talk” to me. afterwards, i like to save them in a box, to reread them later on. sometimes reading these letters can do great things, like remind you of a particular someone, and will ring a bell in your head making you realize how much that person means to you.
Its the little things in life that matter most. Why? Because the little things add up, and when they add up, theyre like puzzle pieces joined together to complete a puzzle. You see, most people dont like to think much of the little things, so they brush it off. Eventually, what they brush off piles up and they can create a huge mess. Point is, if something is bothering you, you let others know right away. You dont want to wait too long, before its too late. Dont be full of regrets.
its really difficult to get yourself to move forward when so much just pushes you back. you try to walk along your path, but things keep pushing you off, things block your way. what im tryna say is, i dont understand why so much has to block you from your happiness. why so many people have to put you down for doing what you do or wanting what you want. others say to just not mind them, but its really difficult sometimes. i’ll pull through somehow. if theres a will, theres a way. not to prove anyone wrong, but to test my strength, endurance, and my faith.
all i really want, is for people to respect me. thats why i do good unto others. but of course, if you do too much, you become a pushover. and when that happens, your heart begins to harden. itll never even out. but id like to be appreciated more, respected more, because im a person too. not “it”. all i want is for people to believe in me, so that i know im making others proud. guess not. its always like that. im not good enough. i’ll always be a loser, or some sucker. no one thinks i can do it. or anything for that matter. whatever. ive fought my battles alone. i can do it again. ive got God. no one needs to accompany me. thanks though.
i absolutely hate it when people think that they have the power to overstep their boundaries. i mean, come on, you have limits for a reason. you dont step into mine, i wont step into yours. lets keep it simple. you cant do that, then we cant get along. sorry, i dont want to waste time over stupid things if were not gonna get along.
know your limits. freaking study them if you have to.
what i really find interesting is how much better an athlete gets once hes out of high school. im kinda sad, yet happy about this. lol. sure, i got better every year, but now that im part of alumni, it seems like im not as stressed because im not as pressured to do as well by a coach. now its all fun and games. man, i wish i had just listened to my teammates and relaxed, aha. im doing so much better, its crazy. oh well, haha. im glad for having the chance to have lived through such an experience.
open gym today was fun! aha. i played 4/5 out 6/7 sets? i dont remember! but im sore! and i love that. the feeling of being sore lets me know i did a good job and got an awesome workout. lol. my passes were sooooooo good today. no wonder i was libero! but i was libero at the wrong time(x anyways, i also got a new scrape! haha. i have like 30-40 scrapes from the three years ive been playing, and my mom hates my knees now! haha. no kneepads ftw! battle scars!(x
alright alright. i had fun! i hope i get to go back next week again, to improve even more. :D
my neighbor is having a huge family party. theres a lot of youngins my age. his. frkn. nieces. MY DAYUM. aha. theyre cute o_o haha, when i left for volleyball earlier, i opened my door and two of them stared at me, and walked behind a tree, and stayed there. they think i couldnt see them! ha! they left when i drove away. i think its about time to crash a party. :D
people wont point you out unless you point yourself out.
we worry about how we look all the time, down to the tiniest of details. if one detail is off, we as humans will go crazy. but as for me, what ive noticed is that what seems hugely noticeable to us is more than likely invisible to others. we would be better off not worrying about the tiny details too much, if no one really notices them.
the people im talking about are the people who were in a deep hole, and you helped them get out of it, and now that theyre back on their feet, they act as if you never had a part in helping them. in fact they treat you like crap, thinking that theyre on top of the world now. uh, excuse me? youre just on the surface of the earth, not the peak of some mountain.
as much as i should be happy to get back with old friends, i have a natural defense that puts walls up around me. i put walls up because im afraid to trust again. they left, and came back, but what happened in between? surely im happy for them to get back, but its not that easy and that quick to bring things back to the way they used to be, you know? itll take time. i’ll take down this wall, one brick at a time. just prove to me i should do that.
i hate assumptions. i hate it when people think they know every single thing about you and they believe they have the sole right to judge you. thats stupid. and then they put you down when you try to defend yourself. then youre just like, okay? i guess i dont know myself? it bothers me when people dont give you a chance to prove yourself, they dont take the time to get to know you, and the worst part is, everything they think they know about you all happens to be negative.
forget them then. i have other things to worry about. i want to be appreciated, not put down for the things i do.
lol. i can move on in my life, ugh, i will make this some of the best years of my life. college, here i come! my dreams begin becoming reality now! I promise You that i’ll do my best, and only do good. ugh, i owe You a lot, although i could never compare to what You have blessed me with. ah, now off for some college shopping with ant&ant!
hmph. haha. college is gonna start in about three weeks. im excited! “U-C-UCI!” or whatever the chant at SPOP was. hahaha. but doode, right now im just making a list of what i need to buy for me to survive in my new home. :3 simple, yet homey. that way, i’ll have a home away from home.
i’ll start cleaning my room next week, taking everything down from the walls. everything on my walls is high school stuff down to elementary school. i will take it down and place everything in a box, just to keep it safe while im gone.
hangouts! i need to get on that. i wish i could hang out with everybody at the same time, but its cool >.< hahaha. i just gotta find the perfect day to fit everyones schedule, the ones that i promised to hang out with before i leave.
why people cared so much about who unfollowed them. i mean, what are you gonna do? chase them down? if they unfollow, they unfollow. its just tumblr. i think you should spend more time off the computer, worrying about things worth worrying over.
a bunch of kids just passed by my house, they were really loud, so i looked out my window. they were carrying those red cups, and one of them was smoking. lol. smh. dont even look old enough. not.close.at.all.
i dont mind if people do that stuff, but i really think some of them CAN wait. at least be a little older, you know?
besides theres a lot of other things you can do ._.
ive thought about it over and over, and ive taken a real good at myself in the mirror. ive come the conclusion that im not ugly. in fact, no one is. it just so seems that human nature, pressured by society makes us focus much more on what we dont have, rather than what we do have. if you take yourself apart, youll come to realize that you do have pretty good traits. sure, theres also bad, after all, no one is perfect. but enough of the jealousy and decline in confidence.
if you want to look better, learn how to show it. how? use what you do have, and magnify it. learn to work with what you have. it doesnt matter what you have, or who you are, you can do it.
probably one of the most awkward and frustrating moments to have with someone. its like, man, i really miss them, but i dont wanna hit them up first! oh the pride, and the fear that comes with this situation. youd think its easy, but its not. its gonna take a lot more to break down the walls that temporarily divide us. sometimes you dont even know how you got to the situation in the first place. “it just happened.” why must this be so complicated?
you never really truly completely get over something, or someone. no matter how much you try, or how much youve done, a part of that someone or something will always be with you. its become history, fact, and entirely, part of your life. and even though it has stuck with you, it somehow doesnt stay the same either. those memories stay, but you and the people around you change. hm.
life likes to throw things at you, that leave you wondering. they leave you wondering with questions that seemingly cannot be simply answered or solved. its frustrating. its hard to deal with. you try to walk on a straight path to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, but it constantly feels like youre being detoured here and there, and all over the place. cant i just get one straight answer? i hate having to be pushed and tossed around as if i can take it. sure, i can take it, but i have a breaking point too.
but whatever. i’ll get through it. i’ll survive. i’ll just keep praying hard.
i havent even started college yet and money is already making it a drag. i hate this. so much. oh well. my mom said i’ll get through it. i’ll survive. itll just be four years. and i’ll make all that money back after college with an awesome future, and i’ll pay my parents back more than they deserve. lol. but anyways, good morning!
i dont often admit this, but i guess today just wasnt my day you know? no wonder i was sleepy, i should have slept all day, then i wouldnt have been able to say that it wasnt my day. LOL. anyways. im really bored right now and tired. plus its hot in my room. words with friends anyone? jethrojay im too lazy to talk or anything, i guess playing that is a good medium.
even though a problem or situation may not completely be over, or solved, for me, talking it out always at least makes me feel better. after all, its the start right? the start of a path towards the light at the end of the tunnel. talks just reassure me, and make me more confident in facing the challenge set before me. when you do talk to me, tell it all to me. the good and the bad, cut the sugar please!
I can usually take in a great amount of bs, my breaking point isnt as low as it used to be. But if you mess with me on days that have already gone wrong, when so much negativity is packed in one day, youre better off leaving me alone. I wont talk to you anyways. And if i do make a sound, be prepared. I have really weird extremes, i can be really really nice, or the biggest buttface youve ever met. Just depends.
how it seems some people are willing to drop everything to avoid the awkwardness. it isnt awkward, unless you try to make it that way. things like “oh, i’ll back away because i know i bother them. so i wont talk to them for a while.” even if you werent bothering them in the first place, your mind just loves to overanalyze the “problem” and so you overdo the “solution.” when you do back away, it will be overdone, and you slowly drift away. see what happens? just TALK.