One rule to follow to keep me: don’t take advantage of me.
Like I’ve said before, I’m a nice person, and will trust and befriend others easily. But as easily a bond can be created, I can also easily drop it. If I give you my trust, share with you my kindness, care, and love, you better sure as hell take care of that and cherish it. Why?
Because I have a breaking point. I run out of patience. I get tired. I get fed up. So its simple, don’t take advantage of me. Once you lose it, you lose it. Well you can gain it back, but I assure you, it won’t be the exact same as it was before.
when it comes to people, the way my cycle seems to run is that i make friends really easy, and i can get really close to them in a heartbeat. its not that hard for me. i shouldnt place my trust all over the place like that, but eh. i seem to jump to conclusions, i tend to assume a lot of things. i like to think a LOT of positive things about people. im blinded by my belief that all people are good. but anyways, i get super close, but for some reason, as easily i can create a new bond, i can also easily drop it. i guess that goes in line with my feelings, and how quick i am to judge.
i need to learn how to let my feelings grow, then settle. i cant just jump into things, then suddenly jump back out. there are a lot of people that have left me, as well as those i have left. i feel heavy guilt for it, but eh, i can only look forward now, and learn from what ive done.
though you may not have a tumblr, and therefore, will not be able to read this, i just wanted to say happy birthday(: i know youre asleep right now, getting rest for work at 5am, so i’ll call later in the afternoon. i just wanted to say, thank you, for everything youve done for me and the family. you have done so much, just to keep us moving forward. you carry each and every one of us, when were about to stumble, just to make sure that we’ll survive. though im 100 miles away from home, just know that my love for you will never fade. how could i not love the greatest father on earth? haha. i’ll be home for your dinner this saturday though(: your work is never in vain. i promise you i’ll only do better in life. i’ll use everything you have taught me, just to become the man im one day set to be.
anyways, more blessings, faith, strength, and life to you for decades to come! i love you papa!
two faced people, why are you guys so greedy? just stick to one face, please.
if theres one thing that really really REALLY bothers me about a person, its when theyre two faced. seriously. thats hella annoying. it bothers me because you originally trusted them and thought they were chill, but nah, you find out that theyre behind your back, stabbing you, till your crash. the worst BEST part of it all, is when you know about them deceiving you, but they dont know that you knew all along. shoot. if you have a problem with me, tell me straight up yeah? dont go around telling others. theyre not the ones with the problem, its YOU. otherwise it becomes gossip.
youre just digging a deeper hole for yourself.
for now, i’ll sit it out, till you tell me. ha. remember, im only cool with you till you screw me over. i can forgive, but you gotta work for it yourself.
im not one to easily let things go or to drop things.
so if we have a problem, dont tell me to just forget about it. whats the point of that? what if it happens again? i dont want things to linger. i dont want tension to rise. i dont want bonds to be destroyed. if theres a problem, i want it solved, not dropped. if you want to drop it, you might as well say youre giving up. geez, its a two way effort. care to help?
im tired of people just staying quiet when i know and they know that we have a problem between the two of us. like, “oh, i’ll just back off instead.” NO. for me, id like it much better if there was communication. because what does lack of communication lead to? nothing. when you have nothing between the two of you, then there isnt a point in continuing. thats why people drift. lack of communication. silence.
Man. Those days where you’re just so excited for the day, and you can tell because: 1.) All you wanted to do the day before is sleep so you can get to the next day faster, 2.) You couldnt fall asleep right away the night before, 3.) You beat your alarm, 4.) You know you got less sleep than usual, but youre not tired at all. Today will be AWEEEESOME and beastin’!
I honestly don’t know what to do when my past decides to “catch up” with me. Catch up as in when someone who used to be a big part of my life decides to suddenly come back out of nowhere. It’s frustrating. I mean come on, I needed you, and you weren’t there, but you come back when I’ve finally let go? It’s awkward with that, “hi” or “sup” that that person gives, because I don’t know what to do or think. Well, where do we go from here?
do you ever get the feeling, that you just dont get enough credit for the things you do? its really frustrating. frustrating to work so hard for something, or do so much for someone, and all they give you is a “K” or an absence of a “thank you”. it kills me inside. it doesnt bother me so much, but sometimes, it builds up, and you just feel like youre just being used or not appreciated.
so what do you do? you buckle down. stop being such a pushover, start making people work for what they want. you cant just give and give and give. its okay to say no.
yall thought i had a gf. NOT. yay, its been a month since ive moved out of SD and into Irvine. and honestly, with the past month that has flown by, i have already seriously learned a LOT about myself. i wont go in detail here, but basically put, i have a LOT of things to work on and maintain. overall, i love it here, except for when it gets boring, because, well, its Irvine. you have to go to LA or SD for fun. lol. anyways, i love the friends ive made, and the instant fambam ive been blessed with. it just makes me feel like home again.
one month down, a little under four years left to go(x
today, we had faculty advising for our major&specialization. im a Civil Engineering Major, attempting to specialize in Structural Engineering. anyways, today, we had to go talk to a professor from our field, and i must say, the talk was a bit scary, yet encouraging. the professor told us to look to our left and right.
he told us that most likely, only one of us would make it.
in a way, that hurts, but in another sense, its just a challenge freshly given to me. a lot of people like to joke around with me, telling me that i wont make it, that i’ll end up changing my major. but they dont understand. im just trying to make my dreams a reality.
ive ALWAYS loved buildings. buildings, buildings, buildings. and structures. lol. i wanted to become an architect in the first place, but i knew it wasnt right for me. the closest match? Civil Engineering.
its a tough road. a long and challenging one indeed. but i’ll survive. not only will i survive, but i will succeed, and achieve.
its the end of week three, and i just submitted my last hw assignment for this week. -_- its due at 11:59 tonight, and was assigned last friday. -_- no, i did not procrastinate, it was just difficult. lets see, calc is easy, since ive already had it, eecs SUCKS, only when i dont understand it, but its fun and amazing when i do get it. and physics is on and off at times. meh. college is awesome, its just that i need a bit more adjustment here and there.
two things i learned: time and money management.
thats two things i gotta work on. i gotta list what i gotta do, so i dont miss out on anything, and i gotta do things early, and efficiently. thats all.
today i messed up a lot on passing in drills. POOOOP. i know i could have done way better. i know i improved since i got out of high school. so why didnt it show today? ): bleh. of course, everybody has their off days, to remind them of what they should maintain, or continue to work on. just because we master something, it doesnt mean that you just stop practicing it. NO. there are no limits, you just keep aiming to improve.
simply put, you dont work hard to be the best, you work hard to get BETTER.
im not one to ask for much. sure, maybe little things here and there, but only because i need something. in fact, usually, im the one who does things for other people. i like to be nice that way. but anyways, its very annoying that after doing so much for people, you dont receive a single bit of appreciation and gratitude from them. even more annoying is that the one time, ONE time you ask for a favor, they cant fulfill that simple task. i guess it goes to show, again, that you shouldnt expect much out of people, right?
i found an old notebook from high school and this is what it reads, “11 January 2011: I’m hoping that I get into UCLA, either majoring in Civil Engineering or Economics. That’s the least of my worries though, as I am confident in getting accepted.” -write up for Drama class. LOOOOOOOL. oh well, i LOVE Irvine anyways. as long as i reach what i aim for right? :D
anyways. things happen the way theyre supposed to right? whether you like it or not, its part of life. youre supposed to take what youre given, and find a way to work with it in life. if one thing doesnt go right, remember, its not the end. its probably for the better. scratch that. it IS for the better. life is what you make it. youre just thrown things, and you make life the way you want it, given those conditions. thats all. no stress, no pressure. just be patient, and work hard.
so before i left SD for Irvine last night, my mom told me, "Take care anak, I love you, no girlfriend muna okay?" LOL. -_-
honestly. i dont know where i stand right now. im fine without one for now, but at other random times, i just wish i found her already. ive waited quite a bit. so all ive done is sit out on the sidelines, watching people and their relationships. ive learned a lot from them, but anyways, i think ive waited so long for the “right” one to come along that im a bit scared to get into a relationship. its so difficult to even say someones cute. im not gonna lie. my mentality is so deep that if i found someone cute, then shes more than just cute, shes someone i wanna go for. i dont know what im saying, but yeah. basically, im scared, so my so-called “standards” and expectations are a bit too high. i just want my first to be my only. wouldnt that be special? haha.
lalalaaa. i guess its back to the sidelines. i have school to focus on anyways.
common saying. words difficult to utter in such a combination, words you hope you never have to say in such a way. but its inevitable. we all know that people come and go. and as much as we might not like it, it still happens. sometimes, it doesnt even matter how strong of a bond it was, it just seems to affect everyone. i wonder how it even happens. one day you have a friend, the next, you see a stranger. some say, people are only with us to teach a lesson, and leave when were ready. but still, i dont like that. why cant i keep people?
maybe i should have as high of hopes with people. high hopes can end in bitter disappointment. knowing me, i get close to people REAL easily. i think i should be more cautious as to how i approach people. i have to be more sure of my feelings. thats all. make it worth it.
i think im getting lazy to post on tumblr. i just scroll through when i have time. i mean, its not like theres anything to talk about, haha. all has been said, plus theres nothing wrong in my life. its not perfect, but i can handle it. plus, i dont like telling the world whats on my mind when im down. its awkward. i cant even tell one person, its already weird.
anyways, so yeah. college life, week four. LEGGO. week three of classes though.
ahh. after three weeks of college in Irvine, im home again. im back at the border! haha. familiar faces, familiar places, its all rushing back. but for some reason, it feels different. i think its because i have the mentality of what its like in Irvine, so of course this trip home to SD is just out of my recent routine. but UNF. HOME COOKED FOOD. laksjdlaskdjasd. i finished all my hw last night just so i could be free this weekend! now here i am! time to hang with the fambam! parents+three brothers+dog. YEE. anyways, have a great weekend guys!
i must tell you guys, today was an AWESOME day. :D
despite the lame rainy weather, so much awesomeness came out of today, you dont even know. ugh. days like these, need to happen more often. or maybe they only happen so much because its supposed to teach us how to appreciate what we have. it also goes to show how rewarding your hard work can be, and above all, how great God is. just keep at it, and it will all pay off somehow. everything just seems to fall into place. :D
to sum it up, today was just a blessing in disguise. (:
Foreal though. Some people are so inconsiderate of others. i hate that in a person. So. Dayum. Rude. As much as you have a life, i also have my own life. Im not always going to submit to you, i gotta stop being a pushover and draw the line somewhere. So dont mess with me, and i wont mess with you. Respect me, i’ll respect you. Simple.
no one ever guaranteed that youd get what you wanted if you worked hard for it. it hurts, but its the truth, most especially with people. just because you do so much for someone, it doesnt mean that they will do the same back for you. its really up to you. do you really want to put effort and time into this person? are you really sure they care enough about you as you care for them? people take advantage of what they have. you have to be careful. like my mama always said, “trust no one.”