i got this. i got this. i got this. i cant give up now. theres too much at stake. theres too many people that would be let down. someday, someway, all these hardships will be worth it. i can do this. i really can. ive never given up, and i will NEVER give up.
i know they all say to be patient. its been a long time, but i will still hang on. i want to show everyone that im stronger than they think.
how people celebrate their “firsts” or other things on tumblr.
"its mah first halloween on tumblr!" whats different? "reblog if this is your first summer on tumblr." GO OUTSIDE. "OMGOSH. MY FIRST EARTHQUAKE post on tumblr.” disaster strikes. i’ll stay in the house, while on tumblr. "i had a tumblr on 10/10/10." at least there isnt 13/13/13.
KAY. i get it. lul. the list goes on. i guess tumblr means that much? not hating, but i just find it funny.
one bad habit i have is how i procrastinate. the thing about me and time is, i dont like starting things or ending things at a time where the last number isnt 5 or 0. SO. seeing that, i told myself id start at 230, but when i looked at the time it was 232. so i said that id start at 235..but now its 250…LAME.
I WAS SO NERVOUS. i might have peed my pants, because i had to give a speech. lul. i had previously written my speech but i didnt feel like using it, so i winged it and said what came to mind. it turns out that what i said made people laugh. :D but i got repetitive and started stuttering. hahaha. after giving that speech, i was all good.
anyways, HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY CELESTINE! i love you!
P.S. one of the guys had the same cardigan as me. LOL. OH WELL. he noticed, i noticed, we laughed it off, but deep inside i felt stupid. hahah.
im so ready for another debut! the only other one i know of is in february<3
for the people that have so much potential, but everyone around them fails to realize it. so instead of using their potential, that person just drifts off, and eventually loses inspiration to go on trying.
example: the guys (or girls) that girls (or guys) seem to look over because theyre “too nice” or maybe “too shy”, etc.
if only people appreciated what is right before their eyes, instead of looking somewhere else.
about being filipino. let people be proud of who they are. -_- dont downgrade others just because theyre not filipino. im filipino, but you dont see me going around telling every other culture that they practically suck because theyre not filipino.
when i go to bed at night, i just want to be able to simply lay down and drift away into sleep. what i dont want is to jump into bed, slipping away into deep thoughts, consuming me with tears as they slide down my face. i just want to go to sleep at night knowing that the next day will come quick.
when i wake up in the morning, i just want that great feeling, being confident that today will be better than my yesterday. that feeling that everything is alright. that feeling that, theres a reason for me to be here than simply living. the fact that theres more to life than just waking up, going to bed, and repeating the cycle again.
i know life cant be perfect, but itd be nice to have this once in a while.
about the things that matter the most anymore. everyday, people just take advantage of what they have. they get so attached to the belief that things will still be the same tomorrow that they just seem to forget about what matters most to them. its not that they dont care, its just that they dont worry. but when the time comes, that when that thing that matters most disappears, then they regret everything.
why waste time now? you never know what will happen next. so take advantage of them the right way, by cherishing the things that matter the most to you.
its been a while since ive blogged about my day, so how about it? lul.
the day was great. haha. weather was better. lets skip to volleyball!
so i left school at 130ish. it felt weird because i was driving alone, away from school during school hours. hahah. anyways! i got to olympian, and waited with the tennis kiddos since the school bus took soo long. then i saw @-lovecakes again!<3 hahaha.
then i finally went to the gym, and the girls were warming up. then the game! the game weve been waiting for, for freshmen. to see if we could come out on top as the best in the league. first set was eh. then second set got exciting and we won although at first we were out of rotation, so we re did a point i guess. then third set! :D those serves. hahaha. it was like 8-0. then olympian scored, but in the end it was 15-5. :D haha. i was cheering and yelling. hella fun and worth it because we won. my favoritest kuya was so happy, lul.
then after i went to lollicup with kuya mark, maren, and gerissa. now i feel confident. :D then we went back blah blah blah. kyle was there, and yeah.
then i went out with john to wal-mart for some envelopes, then starbucks, and went to a taco shop for carne asada fries. :D went home. hw time. yaaay. -_-
dont assume that just because you follow me and you see certain posts, that you can simply judge me right away. the things i post on tumblr arent even close to being the me that i am in public, or friends, fam, etc. theres way much more to me than what’s on here. tumblr is just here for me to pass time. and most especially, one of the reasons i got a tumblr was to improve my english. no joke. but anyways, take the time to know me. dont assume, just ask.
first summer never arrived, then out of nowhere fall was hella hot, then it started pouring rain days after days, then it was freezing cold, and now its hot and DRY. the weather hurts my head and nose.
lul. happy happy birthday! even though youll never ever read or see this post, i hope you had a great birthday today. you do so much, yet as one of your four sons, i fail you miserably. you work so hard, yet, being me, i realize so little. i know we dont understand each other sometimes, but its all good since love overcomes it all anyways. im growing up, dont worry, i’ll be able to let you and mama rest and enjoy life just like it says in my personal statement. oh, i like how im secretly your favorite. HAHA. mama told me. and i would have never guessed. well, i hope you live 023498193212983128398 more years! :D
Love, your makulit na anak<3
P.S. i actually made sure that you heard me say happy birthday this time! unlike two years ago, where i thought you heard me. and the whole day i told my friends to say happy birthday, then at the end of the day you wondered why everyone knew your birthday, but i didnt! when i did! lul.
is it bad to worry about someone you care for? i get kinda annoyed when people tell me this. but, as much as you care for someone, you have to respect their right of privacy. dont try to force them to tell you things. theyll tell you when the time is right. maybe theyre just not ready to open up. the best thing you can do is to be there for them, no matter what.
those times. those times where you really liked someone. those times you really liked someone, and did everything just for them. those times where you didnt have a care in the world, except for that one special person. its like you did everything to catch their attention, and yet nothing caught their eye. you know youre doing everything right, such as being their crying shoulder, or maybe their source of laughter. but for some reason, nothing is ever enough to impress the person. what more do i have to offer?
you try so hard, yet get nowhere. are they wasted efforts?
no one really cares about what you have to say nowadays.
i mean sure, there are people there, but i feel like when i try to tell them things, things only get awkward, and for some random reason, we drift away.. and the people who are supposed to care are the ones youve known forever. but in reality, i find it easier to talk to someone who doesnt know you, theyre sort of neutral on you, because they simply have nothing to judge you over. people who dont know me = followers. ive made friends i never thought i would have made. D:
sometimes, i get scared of the real world. just thinking about how im on the edge of entering it stresses me a bit, although it’ll be an adventure, i just wonder how things will play out. dreams soon become reality, and those sugar-coated lies fall apart. i dont know whats out there for me, but i hope that when i look at this at least five years from now, i hope i can say, “the real world? psh. that was nothing. so, what was i afraid of again?”
okay day. act’s, then stayed home all day. then church for a bit, then i finished my personal statement. YES. finally. anyways, i skipped homecoming. oops. oh wells. right now i have a hella annoying cold. im out.
ugh. dont get me wrong, im somewhat of a lenient person on things, but eventually, i get tired of saying “i understand.” the first few excuses were okay, but now you come up with excuses as if you got them out of a book. im tired of understanding. when can you ever understand me? call me selfish, but its only natural that after a while, my needs should be tended to also. its so easy to lie and fake a smile, and because of that, youre so unknowing. once i say “i understand” you leave as if everything really is okay. i put things aside for you, why cant you put things aside for me?
while you grow up, you just learn that there are certain things that you dont need to hang on to. with the amount of things we have to worry about, theres simply no time to handle everything because it gets overwhelming. so, you learn what and who to let go of. you learn what really matters and what really is worth your time. you learn whos going to be there and who isnt. it wont be a physical feeling, but the most youll still have are your memories. just be wise about what to hold on to.
when i laugh the loudest, seems like im the only one laughing and when something isnt funny. then everyone stares at me in class. AND, the one time where im the only one laughing, my laugh comes out all short and weird. i try to play it off but sometimes people hear it and copy it. LOL. soo annoying. D:
the only reason why i would hate to go to the mall is because of all the people that just stare you down for no apparent reason. im just tryna hang out with friends then all these other people look at us as if we hella dont belong or something. its the number one thing that annoys me about the mall. its like an asian to asian thing. no offense. i mean everyone else doesnt stare me down like my own kind does. what did i do.. ._.
so. i really dont like you. im sure! youre cute and all, but idk. i really wouldnt mind being with you, i mean, i like you for you. i threw my pickiness aside for once, but then again, i didnt want to keep going. D: i like how over break we talked a lot, and i got to know you, and i even told you about my super secret crush on you from a year ago. haha. but little did you know that during break, i started crushing on you again. but eh, its on and off. it was only on today because i got to see you again. it was nice though. i should have said more as a friend. haha. :D
so..as usual, they have clash day at school. and since this is my senior year, i figured that i might as well do it this year. but ugh, this morning was supposed to be a clash of clothes, not a clash of emotions.. let me tell you, i HATED this morning. horrible morning. too many things at once going wrong. im fine now, but ugh! that was so lame! but eh, at least they all got better. well, one of them, im working on now..
anyways, thanks to those kiddos at school. you know who you are. <3
P.S. for some reason, everytime its clash day, girls seem to look extra cute. HAHA. (:
____________________: you probably ____________________: heard it ____________________: over and over ____________________: but trustme ____________________: im not going anywhere jetheroojayy (8:56:16 PM): haha. jetheroojayy (8:56:18 PM): made me cry.
growing up, were surrounded by new experiences every single day. eventually, it gets overwhelming because we dont know how to adjust properly. growing up, we think we know everything, when actually, were barely beginning our lesson. growing up, most of us feel the need to be independent. but really, we always need help. there are two people who put up with us the most, and we take advantage of the most. our parents. typically, most of us dont see eye to eye with our parents, and most of us dont really connect. luckily i can. but for most of those who dont, your parents are trying. im sure they are. theyre almost always stressed from their daily routine, and all they want to come home to is a loving family. i mean, no matter how pissed you may be at your parents, cut them some slack. after all, its not just you getting hurt. you cant entirely feel their pain. maybe thats why they always say, “you’ll find out when you have kids.” they wont be here forever, you might as well cherish every moment you have with them. make memories, make them last forever.
i really do. i dont know what its going to take to convince you, but i just want to let you know that i really do care. and as friends, we have to be there for each other, so thats what im tryna do, but i guess i dont try hard enough. even if it isnt my fault, everytime you fall, i just feel like im not good enough as a friend. maybe i dont try enough. but then again, growing up, you do realize that the only life you control is yours.. i’ll just be here on the sidelines then. if anything, just remember, im here.
out early. ima finish up studying for ap econ unit exam! its a good thing i love econ<3
anyways, twin day tomorrow! too bad, my twin wasnt who i planned. well its all good because junior year kyle and i matched for ten days straight. unplanned. I BET (if i could) that you and your bestest cant do that! MMM. cant beat us. (: but my twin is oscar, who is still super cool because hes a really good buddy to be around. picks you up with words and what not. :D
school. picked up luna. OH MY. lul. uhm. hc formal assembly, i was about to tear up because thinking back, we were only freshmen, and now were seniors..so fast. only like 7ish more weeks in this semester. then we had that one french sub in econ. lolol. uh. then ms. meza said i was the only perfect score all morning. :D i thought it was hard. -_- mmm. physics! man. haha. im happy i understand it now. and lit too. WOW. :D
after school i hung out with bestest<3 now we have actual memories. LOL. “bird-calling” :D
making decisions. seriously. it pisses me off when i try to weigh it out, i cant decide. but when i do decide, i think things out first, and try to make sure everyone is satisfied. but you know what? i hate it when everyone gets pissed at you for tryna make a decision, EVEN THOUGH you had them in mind while making it. then its all your fault. blah blah blah.